91:1-4 as I read it

He will cover you with his wings, you will be safe in his care

In your head have good thoughts

Through your lips you should speak all kind words

Your heart should feel love for all

when you listen then pass on gossip

you pass on judgement that you have not witnessed

Kiss your hand hold it out to all others to give not for getting Say I “feel“ put down the word I think

my friend passes on scripture for me to think about when she knows I’m struggling.

You have a playbook for everyday life to “get by” . My playbook I flip the pages over and over again, going back to what I know, page one. Next volume 2, I filled up many pages for getting through the darkest of moments. Being honest with where you are in your life comes at the end, so many questions to so many people. Why did you hurt me, why did I hurt you? To get at peace, walk around and find that is just life. You were at that moment for reason, to learn something, to meet someone, to hear words, to give words. I have a heaviness that I carry with the people I see in the night, angry, silent, I carry it without speaking to them. They are gone from my life. So I learned to meditate and not be angry. I learned to listen and value the opinions of others. In some cases, it was a hit and miss, I had to teach myself how to have emotions. Watching or learning to grow up without the nurturing childhood, you blame no one, you grow. It’s your choice now, how you react, but you still have to learn what and how to react. You know angry, you know emotionally that something missing, but it’s your choice how you fix it. I did, I walk my path and made mistakes, but I found my way and safeguarded my heart. Most relationships a bust, but I loved deeply and hard. Still searching today for that piece of the puzzle that’s missing and I never found it. Some found me, they fit me, but I disrupted the relationship and walked away. Honest talk, just being honest. I did that, but it’s always a fifty fifty partnership.

Much later in life I get to talk what I saw and could not speak about, when you are the only witness it’s hard. Your stomach churns, nauseous and nervous stuttering the words leave me. I know what I saw, but my mind over time deceives me with other scenes that overwhelm my brain. I have triggers that I didn’t know I had, until the pain took away my mental and emotional strength. I am stronger than this and then my friend sends me another quote and verse. Another Psalm, another verse, faith of mustard seed, so if I have enough energy, just a little bit I can make it, if I have one friend telling me I can, I will. I reach out and gather my friends, what’s left of them, yes, what’s left, you all started running like bitches to the the hills, causes you can’t take a little bit me asking or complaining for some help. You rather talk about how bad you have had it, I get it, I hear you, many times, I have listened to you. I love the verses, the reading the lines and finding just the right words. There is comfort in some of the verses, some people shy away from religion, I just like the advice in the words.