Alone again looking at the sky, sometimes I see so far the sky doesn't look real. I wake up and move around. I try to breathe and realize I need the sleep, my body needs the rest to heal. I never find that comfortable spot again, I moved from it, I rolled over in my sleep, I hit a nerve. The pain woke me, take another pill, or just wait for the sunrise. I opt to wait for the sunrise, because you realize, if you wait its a gift. Somedays I curse the night, then I realize the gift of another day, I might be able to help someone. Share my wisdom, share the ability to open a door, share a dollar they don't have, buy them a cup a coffee. Share a smile, share a hug, a handshake, maybe a look to them and then a nod its ok.
We share so much and say so little to each other, even when saying I'm sorry. You choke on the words sometimes, why, say it when your wrong. The regret is you spit out something or react in a way that affect someone's choices during the day. One word might make them go left instead of right, their path is changed. You judge all day long, and don't realize your doing it in your actions and words. I have learned in the last few years to try and say I feel instead of I think, I caught myself doing it many times. I also learned, that people I am talking to that say "get to the point", are not interested in the opinion they asked for from me. I don't want my past trauma and bias to influence my opinion, so I take my time in answering them truthfully. Get to the point, they have already made up their mind what they are going to do, why did they ask.
Watching the clock tick slowly at first, then it seems to move faster, I want it to slow down. 0400, 0500, 0600 sun is about to rise, coffee smells good, sitting watching as the first light comes through the trees. It creeps around the trunks, then the branches, slowly and I wonder how bright the day will be. I can make it the best day possible again, I can and will make the day without letting pain break my focus. How many doctors today, checking the schedule, sometimes I wonder if I should cancel them all. Should the day come when I can no longer see my way to the daylight, I will find the courage to ask for help.
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