As the frustration grows within me and the pain moves my emotions out of control. I haven’t slept all night from the thoughts I can’t take another day. Darkness is my friend. i drive to gated veterans clinic which reminds of a prison with tall metal fence. I laugh at the sign of no weapons alllowed and shake my head. How are they going to stop that from happening, frisk every veteran here in the south. not going to happen. I step from the car and look down, under my foot is a red white and blue business card. I hurt to think of picking it up. But, I do like clutter or trash outside a military buildin. As I struggle to bend down. Knees cracking and back so stiff from the fusion surgery. Hands shaking from pain I want to scream and forget about it. The worlds a mess, no one cares I see other veterans walking over the trash. Rude and in their own pain. Our own commander in chief is suspect, I lose faith and my life’s energy is drained let it go. Why not let the trash in the parking lot sit.
But it’s a flag, our flag on a business card, dirty and wet. It’s colors I swore to give my life for to defend this country freedom. It’s on the ground as trash. My mind races, it’s trash no one else picks it up. Why not let this trash sit, it’s one little card. I hurt, I don’t want to be here in this building on these grounds these other veterans many of them older male veterans are rude and not very welcome to me. They had no use for me in my years of service. One thing to add to the perfect storm.
Twisted and hurting I bend over pick it up. My ears ringing from the constant sound of cicada. The MS has got the better of me today. This one piece of trash has me focused.
I feel better the colors, the flag I got this. I bend over pick it up. I stop inside to throw it away but I can’t. I have to read it. It’s a veterans crisis card. Call or text for confidential chat, press 1. I’m thinking what? Seriously. Call or text for a confidential chat.
Ok. Let me find my phone. First with my limited budget thanks to my commander in chief. I not sure if I have enough minutes to chat. It will be a quick call. Seriously thinking this one through.
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