How do thank someone just being them. You have given me a warmth inside that I cannot repay and you do not know you give. We agree, disagree and still we are drawn to each another. The life you put back into me is intoxicating and I have a lust for a new day. I ache to walk and stand another hour and the pain is tolerable. I act like nothing is wrong and you make me feel new again, it’s medication that not been invented. I cant drink it, I can’t swallow it, I can only hug it. I go so far and then pain takes the body to the point I cannot take it away. You turn off my pain and the demons go away. You know me, and without words, or just a look, a hug, one word I can move forward with a vision of a future. The medicine I take is necessary and sometimes I wish to walk away from it. The air is crisp in my lungs. I can breathe again. The shadow you cast is cold, but I would walk in it and feel the warmth of your friendship. Its addictive and that's the drug my body and life needs. Friendship that cures the soul. My body is broken and my closest friends realize this, they stay close. How do they know to call, to reach out, to say the words I need to hear at just the right time. They inject me with their energy, their friendship, the words are flowing into me like a warm broth. Its a treasure that you have to uncover, you walk many miles to find friends like this. The pain is numb, your the drug, your the medicine I need. When I am alone to long, I am deflated, I need a fix. Where are you, I reach out with just a gesture, a word. Like a junkie, you don't want anyone to know you need that fix. Then you get a little, you want a lot, like medicine you become saturated, immune and need more. Step back, get just a little sip, walk away. I am satisfied. What a gift you give me, how did I walk into your path, how did our lives cross. Friends are the special medicine we need. They cure the soul. They bring light and strength into our day when it is dim and we are weak. I can climb any mountain when you are with me in my heart, I thank you for being with me in my life. Thank you is never enough, you heard that before. I would give you all I am, I would give you my life in exchange to give you a better life. This is what I would give you for being there for me. The moments of clarity, the moments of no pain, the moments of warmth, kindness, the thoughtfulness. The extraordinary lengths you go out of your way to get a glimpse of your smile. I will expend all the energy I have to make you laugh, to hear you laugh, and make cry and laugh. What medicine that is to me and my inner strength to find another day to do it all again. I am drained, but the memory of the laughter echoes in my head for days. Find an opening, listen closely, it takes energy sometimes I do not have. To work the words in and make my friends smile, its in the detail of what I see and hear with my eyes, not my ears. The medicine has not been invented for what you have done for me. The strength I have to make to this day, is a pill I cannot swallow. Friendship is special medicine we need.
I might go to far and say something that would make you feel turn away. But that’s the pain inside me making the monster of the body turn my common senses off. I have catch my breath and come and please let me hug you, you know my heart is good. I want to be there and share moments with you, anywhere you go can take me with you. Sometimes I wonder is it’s too much for you to be my friend. It seems natural that we walk together in this life, as friends, our circle is is small. The circle you have is outside us is smaller. It’s a chain, we compliment each other. The ideas we share with others and then share and grow bigger. Don’t let them get confused with where they came from, the seed was planted from with the base of this circle of special friendship. As we grow and and the pieces fits, sometimes in life we see a “deja vu”, I been here before. It’s because that’s when that special friend in our heart taught us something. Someone who made us laugh, there is a friendship forever. When in a dark place, that one friend will hug you with words. One penitence for looking for this friend, don’t throw away others and give them scraps of you in the process. There will be a person who sees and wants more of you, your the one they want in their life. But they are not who you want. But you have such a big heart, you will embrace them with your friendship. They are still half full not really getting want they want. Time wasted, no, but they are not hurting and you can’t see it.
In making these notes special friends, I was on both sides. Given enough to be a tag along. Then given it all then crushed. Given best friends that ideas were not there’s but ours. Given special friendships for my life, that still have me paralyzed when I see them. I wanted so much more but we both knew we could not at this time in our lives, walk the same path. We just nodded and knew that maybe maybe in another lifetime.
I hold a special place in my heart for them and the relationship never came true. It was a dream that never came true. One of those would of, could of, might be , maybe. If you find these friends hold them, feel happy and complete. It was a gift. Be thankful for the time. It’s a forever friend. Not a Bff but a FFF and F4L, Friend 4 forever, Friend for life, friend in my heart.
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