I still cannot say the words that capture the pain. Diane is not here for me to talk to today. The hours we talked about our adventures in life during weeks when we struggling to find to just fight. Her fighting the cancer that came back and me fighting with deteriorating health and being made of metal. I could make stories of the VA health clinic and make her laugh. Hours of over the top subjects from politics to memories of our past golf victories. We played our last round together at Pinehurst at the the North South Senior. We were not paired togethe, I went to the tournament chair and asked him to put us together because it might be the last time we might be able to play with each other. Sadly it was, we both knew and we played with such fun and talked the whole round. We cared not about the score but each other that day. She drove the cart and sat back and enjoyed the ride. We talked about life and I made up stores about the places we had been. The trips to Reno the trips to Myrtle beach the Pinehurst trips every little life event we had together.
I miss her in my heart, I miss talking to her and making sense of the world. Making sense of my pain. She understands my struggle and would make me see I wasn’t alone in my pain I could do this and not give up. I feel alone now.
I wasn’t there when she left, I wasn’t holding her hand and I hurt. I grieve to much and cry. I need to keep saying the right words she is in my heart and she is no pain. She loved me and she was my special friend. She wanted me to keep up the good fight and not to give in. We lived the life I was honored to call her my freind. The pain is real I cannot release the love I had for my freind I hold in and say her name Diane you are my best friend. Be well be safe I love you buddy.
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