So an old friend calls me up, the phrase the blast from the past. Smiling and remembering the adventures the love and greatest friendship I had and still feel. Stop whining and remember all the gifts you have to give. I’m stunned, crying she says it again and she doesn’t want to hear I’m gone and I’ve given up on life. I am fighter, the strongest person she has ever met and the love I still have, the life in me. I still have another adventure, I have so much more to give to so many. She reminds there are friends standing silent watching me, that I have walked with, they will come if I ask. But, I am to proud to reach out. She’s right, I remember them, be honest she says, stop whining it’s not you. Your doing it in your silence, stand strong, as you once did. I love you, I always have, I always will. You have a gift, remember that. When you give you forget, when you receive you remember those gifts. Lets take this subject all the way around the circle of gifts, friendship and life's hardship. You remember the gifts in your life, the laughs, the memories you need to get by in a time of need. Close your eyes, take a breath and feel the air fill your lungs. Can you see that memory, feel the love of that memory, its a gift from your past to help you now in your time of pain. Take just a few minutes from you day to see your worth, you have given in so many ways. Can you see it, a special friend, a love from the past has reached out and told you please I love you, stay and fight you are special. You have so much more to give, but you have changed, and you wish they would listened to how much more pain you carry.
I heard their plea, I heard their words, I listened, I responded with I don't deserve your support. Because I hurt you, I gave you my word, my trust, and I broke your heart, and did something so I don't merit and am not worthy of your love and support. Years ago I confess, I cleanse all mistakes, failures, to others, I let you down. You gave me your greatest gifts of time, trust and I failed you. I remember, you have carried that with you, but please forgive me, and lay that burden down. I carry it for you, the hurt the pain, you retaliated against me and I took it, I deserved it. I stood silent, head down, arms open and let you take every open shot at me, because I deserve every pain you wanted me to endure. May we please think of all best we had, not the worst and walk through the future with that. I saw you struggle without me, and could nothing, I stood silent, strong but wounded. I had more love to give to you, but I did not deserve to ask for another chance. Lets move on to remember what you give, you forget, what you receive you remember, like the pain you received, that you deserved for hurting a loved one.
I stand here remembering all the gifts I have received from so many, love and the words of support.
I’m kind of stuck right now. I miss my dear friend who understood my pain and hugged me with her words and so much more. Those gifts can never be replaced, I hear her in the night, and see her in my dreams. I have friends, dear friends, and I don't want to lose them, I am opening myself up to them more. i want them close, to sit and visit, walk and see, listen and tell them the cleansing truths. Is it wrong, some people say, its when you get closer to the end you want to go with a clean conscience. Tell the truth, its true, its very free, i can take a breath and feel more air, see clearer.
I receive notes and messages from my friends who know I am struggling to move on. The countless adventures of friends come to me, the laughter returns to my heart. I smile, I see them and its real, so many sun filled days, walks, hugs filled with so much love.
I read that sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows. I stand here remembering all the gifts I have received from so many, love and the words of support. I miss my dear friend who understood my pain and hug me with her words. Those gifts can never be replaced, I hear her in the night, and see her in my dreams. I receive many words of support and feel them in my heart.
Sometimes I remember the phrase, the words didnt hurt me, the person who said them did. I'm sorry never helps to take back what been said, it alread in your head and your heart .
You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are to change the ending. I like that, all that goes on I can start everyday to change the end. When I hear a that makes me emotional, its the people and the things that come to my mind when I hear it.
I read that it takes your mind a while to understand what your heart already knows. Should that be, it takes your heart a while to understand what your minds already sees and knows.
I have friends, not close, that say to me I never guess you have been through what you have, you dont show the pain, you never talk about it. They find out bits and pieces from others. Its how you handle yourself thats how it should be, never allow others into your drama, if you handle it yourself, you become stronger.
Sometimes you have to do what's best for you and life, not what's best for everyone else.
Comentarios